Sunday, May 18, 2014

Day 145 (almost 5 months down!)

Ugh... I jinxed it. Last time I wrote that things were okay. Of course things have since taken a dive. Turns out I have caught my baby's virus after all. It's called hand foot mouth disease (not to be confused with hoof and mouth disease). I didn't realize it at first, I just thought I had a little cold consisting of a headache and sore throat. Then 2 days ago I was really tired, more tired than usual. As I was taking my Dead Sea salt bath, I started inspecting my skin, as usual. I was feeling flared up and noticed these bumps on the palm of my hands but chalked it up to my eczema. I thought I could have been flaring from stress (had just returned from my first ER visit for my baby, unrelated to the illness).  Or it was bc I had eaten some junk food for the first time in a few weeks. Either way, I was flaring again. Over the course of the evening, the bumps became painful. By the next morning I realized that those bumps were not eczema at all but blisters from the virus. Of course!!!! Of course I would get this. I also have the bumps on the back of my throat which is what's causing it to hurt so bad. On the plus side, I took a 3 hour nap that day that felt AMAZING. So even though my skin feels disgusting, my psyche was okay.

Here I am 3 days ago...

And then 2 days ago when the flare hit. Post-picking of course

It always seems we're taking 1 step forward, 2 steps back in this withdrawal game. For the first time recently I got a 2 day reprieve. Then this past week I had a 2-3 day reprieve. So far those are the only ones to date I can recall. I know I will continue in this pattern until eventually I have more reprieves than flares. I just can't wait until that actually happens. Yesterday was bad though. Psyche no longer so good. It felt like I was right back in the beginning of this process where my skin hurt like hell, felt so gross and I just cried. Sometimes you just have to cry to release the emotion caused by all this suffering. After a good cry and a good nap, I felt a bit better. I vegged all day, slept a broken 6 hours last night and am feeling okay today. Hopefully this thing is clearing out and I can start to see some healing again. 


  1. I'm sorry that you are going through this, having Topical Steroid Withdrawal is bad enough but to be sick as well is unbearable.

    I feel your pain on the mouth, I'm in my 8th month and still have the splits and cuts around my mouth.

    Sending you Happy Healing Thoughts.

  2. The mouth is the worst!! You'd think that it being front & center would be motivation not to pick it.

  3. Being sick on top of tsw is the worst!! Last thing you want!! Hope you get some relief soon! Stay strong!! x

  4. You're doing really well for 5 months, remember that detoxing will cause the symptos to go up and down and everyone is different :) Be very careful with the junk food though, you might be gluten/wheat intolerance because of leaky gut syndrome :)