Tuesday, August 5, 2014
TSW day 225 / MW day 17
I'm 7 months in and flaring hardcore right now. After the wedding, I basically slept for 2 weeks straight. I would sleep my broken 8 hours at night, then a 2-3 hour nap around dinner time like clockwork (I missed dinner with my family every night of those 2 weeks, nevermind I was supposed to be cooking it!), and then another nap around 9pm for another hour or so. Crazy amounts of sleep. But it felt so gooooood. Slowly it turned into one nap either before, during or after dinner time. That nap has stuck around for now. I obviously need it so Im not fighting it. During that sleepy time, my skin was bad but nothing compared to what it is right now. I have to remind myself that Im not even 3 weeks into moisturizer withdrawal and unlike many others who do moisturizer withdrawal, I seem to take a longer time to heal from it. It happened the first time and is obviously happening again. But now my period is coming and as usual with that comes intense flaring. This time around it's worse because I'm oozing and itching like crazy. Oozing so much that I literally have to peel my clothes off because they are sticking to my skin. Oozing so much that I have to peel my face off the pillow every time I turn over. My white pillowcase is yellow from ooze after just 1 night on it. I have to change my sheets today even though they were just changed yesterday. Ugh....it feels so disgusting to be so raw and have ooze literally dripping down my face into my mouth. And then not to be able to stop scratching the already raw skin. I thought my skin was on the up and up but that was clearly before the hormone change that accompanies my menstrual cycle. Actually, I know it was on the up and up because Hubby just told me that I had 2-3 days of good sleep, good energy, and good morale prior to this flare. It's always hard to differentiate between flare and non-flare because my skin never clears up in between. It's kinda of like...bad and worse. But anyway...it started 4 days ago. On my birthday. The pain that had slowly been decreasing returned with a vengeance. I cried at my birthday party. Twice. Because I was in so much pain and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. It's so weird but I never have severe pain in the mornings or early afternoon. It always starts late afternoon to evening time. It's mainly my neck that is in pain and when it feels like that, even the air hurts. Literally. Air is painful. So my current regime of meds is as follows. 1200mg of Gabapentin broken into 3 doses throughout the day (300 at wake up, 300 at dinner, 600 at bedtime). Haven't noticed any difference in upping the gaba but the pain management dr I'm seeing thinks it may help with the "burning pain". So far, it hasn't. 20mg of valium an hour or so before bed (though I usually take them as I'm getting in my PM bath) and 10mg of ambien when I'm ready for bed. Vicodin as needed at night though I've only managed to NOT take them 2 nights. And I just got an increase in the Vicodin bc it was barely taking any of the pain away. I explained to the doctor that if on a scale of 1-10 my pain was a 10 then the vicodin brought it down to 7-8. Not good enough. I do realize that at the end of all this, I may very well have a problem getting off all these meds. But I have weighed the risks and obviously decided it's worth it. I just need them to get through this time because I can't handle going through this without medicine. It's fucking awful. I can't even hold my son right now because it hurts too much. I don't let my husband touch me because it hurts. Our hugs consist of me resting my forehead on his chest because his touch feels like fire to my skin. I can't stop shaking either. I'm unable to regulate my body temperature again. One minute im burning up and the next im freezing. Or better yet, my top half will be on fire while my bottom half is freezing. My entire body is currently covered in "eczema". I even have it on my feet where I NEVER had eczema before, nor have I ever used topical steroids there. This withdrawal process is such a bitch. Worst areas in order of severity are my neck, face, forearms, hands, armpits, feet, behind knees and groin. Anyway, I don't feel like uploading pics. I don't feel like doing shit. That is all.