Doing okay

It's been 2 weeks since my last blog post. Alot has happened since then. As usual, leading up to my period I flared horribly for 2 days with lots of crying and despair. I always feel like I can't take one more single second of this torture during that time of the month. It feels like it will never end, I will never heal, and all of this is for nothing. But then my period leaves and I feel okay again. Skin is SLOWLY healing since then. Those 2 days were brutal though. Elephant/lizard skin with uncontrollable itching and no sleep whatsoever. Nonstop crying. Sobbing. Ugh. I hate it all. Now I would pinpoint my worst areas as my face (specifically, above my lip and each side of my chin) and my hands (specifically, my wrists now). My neck is healing, though still itches daily. I need to start taking some sun but it's so freaking hot outside that it irritates my skin too much. I should try the early evening time.

Anyway, things that have improved: itching overall has definitely lessened since doing moisturizer withdrawal. I had a bad week when experimenting with Dr. Fukaya's clofibrate ointment and wonder if I should give it another shot eventually but for now, Im sticking with MW. Redness is definitely better. Skin is now a blotchy pink. Overall, I think the worst of this process is behind me. That doesn't mean that I don't have some hard times ahead of me yet but at least I know when to expect them.

Oh, besides my menstrual cycle, STRESS makes me flare. I mean sometimes I can definitely link my diet to my flares. But stress makes me flare immediately whereas diet is kind of a guessing game bc of the time difference between eating and flaring. My most recent experience with this has been my son getting a case of Hand, Foot, Mouth disease. It started with a fever last week and turned into a full body rash complete with blisters and major crankiness. As soon as I felt the heat on his forehead, the itching started (for me, not him). My poor baby. He's such a champ. He can take pain much better than mommy. So we're still dealing with that and for a little bit, we were worried I might catch it. It is mostly a children's disease lasting about a week but adults with compromised immune systems who haven't had it before stand a chance at catching it. Luckily it seems I haven't but I did get the headache & sore throat portion. Sigh. It never ends. Oh well, we're all champs around here so we'll get through it.

On a positive note, have I mentioned how grateful I am for life in general? I know one day this will be behind me but I will be left with gratitude. Gratitude for the people around me with whom I have been blessed, grateful for my health, and just grateful for all the little things that I once took for granted. Before this, I would have looked in the mirror and considered myself an average looking girl, even called myself fat or gross at times. But after this, I think I will be able to appreciate my beauty and my body for being amazing and just mine. After all, if given by God, how could it not be beautiful? That's another thing. I want to get closer to God. Like alot of other people suffering through topical steroid withdrawal, I have spent many sleepless nights or crying itching fits praying to God to rid me of this poison. And if it is not His will to do so yet then PLEASE give me the strength to get through this. And so far, He has. I'm here, aren't I? So after this, when I'm actually not embarrassed to leave the house, I'd like to join a bible study and start attending church. Actually, there are alot of things I want to do when this is over! Yoga, beach, take my baby boy on fun adventures every day, and let my husband sleep in again! Oh boy, I can't wait.

On a less positive note, I missed 2 baby showers and 1 bachelorette party these past 2 weeks. Bummer. I have another baby shower and bachelorette in a few weeks and a wedding the month after that. I really really really want to be able to attend ALL of these. But at the very least, I must attend the wedding. So I'm hoping at least my face clears up by then. If only I could just stop picking the scabs!!! Does anyone out there have tips on how to avoid the picking?

Will post pictures next time. Happy healing!